The past few days have been an interesting foray in self reflection. First, I was left with a bad feeling after a pot luck gathering at my house. I felt like I had done something wrong that made a couple of people leave early. I dwelled on that for days—I still am, as a matter of fact, 6 days later, although the feelings aren’t as intense today as they were the day after. Then I felt sad, hurt, and left out from an event that I clearly wasn’t invited to but knew was occurring at a neighbor’s house. Of course, I thought I had done something wrong and am still wondering why I wasn’t included.
Then a flicker of realization occurred yesterday. I was introducing myself to a new acupuncturist, and I told her that I had published Innerchange magazine many years ago. She indicated that the name sounded a little familiar, but that was all she said about it. Initially, I wondered why it didn’t seem MORE familiar to her—where were the raves about it and exclamation of missing it— and then it hit me that it has been 11 years since I stopped publishing it, and the actual magazine itself hasn’t been in print for over 8 years. It is obviously still VERY REAL to me because it absorbed so much of my time and energy for over a decade, but how many of us truly remember magazines we picked up and perused 8-10 years ago? The magazine was personal to me on so many levels—a passion, a purpose, a success, a failure, etc. But it is clearer to me now, more than before, that it is time for me to let Innerchange go and move on.